Happily Divorced - Going From Bitter To Better

With a little work, you can get into the mindset of nurturing and maintaining a happy relationship after a breakup.

 

1. Start With A Kindness Agreement:

Once you and your partner have made the final decision to end your marriage, start drafting a goodwill agreement. This is an agreement that defines your priorities during this sensitive time. If you have children, their welfare and well-being should be at the forefront of your kindness agreement. It is extremely important to provide them with a safe emotional space when you and your spouse are apart.

2. Other Included Items May Include:

Avoid turning this into a divorce war

Always speak respectfully to and about each other

Do not disparage another to third parties, especially children, but also to your friends and family

Negotiate in calm words, avoid shouting

Avoid turning this into a divorce war

3. You Don't Have To Win All The Time:

When negotiating a divorce, it is important to keep in mind that having the last word is not that important. By letting go of points that are not so important to you, you can improve your mental state, especially if these are important to your spouse.

Don't argue about family heirlooms that should stay in his family just because you know it will hurt him. Focus on the whole and keep your state of mind balanced and as calm as possible by avoiding harmful conflicts.

4. Count To Three Before You Speak:

Happily divorced couples have in common that they do not speak without first stopping to think about their words and their impact.

This is especially important when you and your ex are making important decisions about children and money. Recognize your emotions and check them before they take over the conversation. Stop and think before you speak, and talk from a calm place so you can move towards a helpful solution and not get stuck in a heated battle.

Think carefully before you speak, write an email or send a text message. Sometimes just sleeping through the night can give you a new and healthier perspective the next morning.

Happily divorced couples have in common that they do not speak without stopping to think about what they are saying

5. Remember That Getting Over Bitterness Takes Time:

Divorce is the most traumatic experience after the death of a loved one that a person can experience in their life. You have your own personal timeline for the Healing stages of denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance.

Trust that one day you will be accepted, but it may not be straight up. This is a two step forward, one step back process. But you will get there.

Once you reach the stage of acceptance, creating a happy divorce is possible. 

 

6. Surround Yourself With Role Models Of Other People Who Are Happily Divorced:

You may find these at divorce recovery retreats or among your circle of friends. Don't hesitate to ask those who have been in your position how they ended up with their own happy divorces.

Tap into their experience and choose what might work for you.

7. Incorporate Fun Into Your Life:

In the initial period after the divorce decision, it is impossible to even consider having fun. Most of us want to stay in bed, blankets up to our ears, and just cry. It is a natural and legitimate response to this traumatic time. But when you feel ready, schedule some fun activities for your day.

You're not just someone going through a divorce, and you don't want to define yourself as one. You are also a person who can endure, and when you start doing things that add positivity to your life, you will see this.

Do the things that made you happy before you became a couple. Sports, classes, museum visits, concerts, dances, anything that reminds you that you are vibrant, alive and can enjoy life even after disconnection.

8. Divorce Is The Best Time To Develop Your 'glass Half Full' Attitude Towards Life: 

You can't conjure this up every morning, but if you can spend some time each day looking at positive things and setting goals that increase your optimism (like planning a spa day or planning a vacation with friends) it will make this difficult part much easier. Give yourself something to look forward to.

Your life situation has changed and it may or may not be your decision, but either way life is precious and we must make the most of every minute.

9. Create A Vision For Your Own Version Of The Happily Divorced:

It's easy to get stuck focusing on everything that was wrong with your marriage, your ex, or your life together. But it's not productive and can keep you feeling sad or angry. Start looking ahead.

How do you want to feel about this person who still plays a role in your life? How can you create a meaningful dialogue with them?

Focus on what attracted you to them in the first place and the good memories you have of your marriage. Use these images to reframe what you want your future to look like with your parents.

Building A New Life After Divorce

Divorce is never easy. Even popular television shows depict the resulting conflicts, emotions, and confusion during and after the process.

I was nineteen when I first got married. After a whirlwind time in Europe for a young Army lieutenant, I removed the family as we returned to the US to begin life as a married couple.

Twenty tumultuous years and two beautiful daughters later, I packed those daughters for a cross-country run. We left their father in California and headed to Virginia.

He and I had been an obvious mismatch from the start. Years of conflict and pain made the final decision that it was over seemed like a relief because we knew the end was inevitable. Still, the divorce had been difficult and life-changing.

1. Building A New Life After Divorce:

Starting alone in a new place with pre-teen daughters was not easy. We built a new life together as a family of three women.

Over the years, we have developed fierce and uncompromising strength, independence, and invincible unity.

Like many similar triplets, we became a unit and stuck together thinking of ourselves as the three musketeers.

2. Gives A Chance For A New Marriage Union

Years passed, the girls grew up and were almost ready to be on their own. The three of us were comfortable, confident, and content with the independent worlds we had created for ourselves.

However, life keeps changing. After years of dating and growing commitment to a man who repeatedly assured me of his undying love, I was ready to take a chance. They assured me that I could 'stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, (he) was in it for life.'

After the pain of my first marriage and divorce, I made a surprising discovery, and I was ready to get back into the world of relationships.

I felt sure of his loyalty, integrity, and oaths. I retired from my teaching profession and moved to further his career. Without warning, the other shoe dropped and without explanation. They told me I was mean and he was done. And without further ado, he was gone.

3. Rethinking Divorce:

That's when I learned about the real devastation after a divorce. The shame I felt from the guilt he caused before he left our lives kept me stuck in grief.

It was weeks before I stopped sleeping and ended up on the couch. I couldn't eat, sleep or think. I wondered what could be in my life and how I could continue. A friend arrived to take control. I tried to calmly explain my situation. I told him the only thing I knew. 'Recovery will take a long time and I don't know where the path may lead.'

I had no idea how long it would actually take. My compass had broken and I had no sensation. I had been told for 13 years that I could "stop waiting for the other shoe to drop" when suddenly and unexpectedly the shoe was thrown right at me - with deadly aim.

It was over two years before my divorce was final and I was able to find any closure to my ordeal. However, paperwork does not improve. It does not outline the next steps, offer guidelines for a better existence, or suggest proven methods for moving forward. 

 

4. Reorganization Of Independent Life

Grief is not something American culture supports or encourages. My story was old. My support system is less patient.

It was now time to do the hard work of reorganizing an independent life in a place I wasn't sure I wanted to stay.

5. Registering With Social Groups

Start building meaningful relationships again. I found social groups in my area. I cautiously ordered dinners, movies, and other activities with people I had never met or knew.

It wasn't easy and I often felt immobilized by fear and dread. I guardedly started spontaneous conversations with others. Each excursion became a little less scary and a little easier to achieve.

Very slowly, over two more years, I began to realize that I was building meaningful relationships again.

I noticed that the feeling of isolation and loneliness that had prevailed since my spouse left had slowly disappeared. It was now replaced by a sense of fulfillment and belonging. My calendar was no longer empty. It was now full of meaningful activities involving new friends.

6. A Journey To Self-realization And Empowerment

I'm still amazed. I have the authority. I am healed. I am healthy and able to live my own independent life. I make my own choices. I feel valuable and worthwhile once again. I wake up feeling alive and powerful every morning.

I can talk openly with these new friends about the circumstances that have happened in my life. I share with them that Two Minus One: A Memoir is being published. They are encouraging and encouraging. I have an overwhelming sense of peace, Joy and Satisfaction with my life. I have done much more than survive. I have been successful.

~Julie

Single Mother's Financial Challenges

Going through a divorce is traumatic enough for your emotional well-being, let alone what it does to your financial life.

As a mother, worrying about what divorce will do to your children consumes your mind almost as much as how to prepare for financial problems after divorce.

About paying the bill, keeping food on the table, and taking care of your children as a single parent.

Knowing the financial challenges of being a single mom can help you create a Game Plan for the best way to care for your children in your new single parenting situation.

Here are Financial Single Mom Challenges You May Face After Your Divorce!

1. Keep Food On The Table

As a Divorced mother, it is likely that your household income has been cut in half or possibly more. Maybe you didn't work at all when you were married.

Regardless of your circumstances, your focus now revolves around how to keep the Essentials in your life. Of course, education supplies and clothes are a concern even after your divorce, because these things are not cheap.

One of the biggest concerns or single parenting challenges you may face is how to take care of your family.

The USDA's Cost of Food report showed that the cost of food per month for one person ranges from $165 to $345, depending on your age and gender. This price only increases with more children you have.

If you're struggling financially after a divorce, the first thing you should consider is looking for advice on budgeting for single moms or budgeting tips for single moms.

2. How To Pay Your Bill:

Paying monthly bills or the mortgage is one of the biggest financial challenges for a single mother.

Managing household services can be scary and overwhelming, but don't give up hope. This time there are plenty of ways to survive until you find a more financially stable space.

For example, you can get a second job or a work-at-home job to give you extra income.

Selling your home and moving in with family members or close friends during this time can also ease the financial burden. You can also consider refinancing your home to get a lower interest rate.

3. Searching For A Place Of Residence:

The sad truth is that 1 in 5 women falls below the poverty line (household income of $20,000 per year for a family of three) after divorce.

This is not a good opportunity for single mothers who want to provide the best schooling and living situation for their children.

Another of the biggest financial challenges for a single mother is where you plan to live. If you can't keep your original family home, don't despair.

There is a lot of housing assistance for Divorced Mothers and low-income families, help for Divorced Mothers with no income or single Mothers with a low income.

You can choose to live with family members temporarily after the divorce. Don't be too proud to accept help from friends and family during this trial period.  

 

4. Paying For Childcare:

As a newly single mother, your financial responsibilities may force you to return to work or even work two jobs at once.

This can be a devastating blow, as you not only feel anxious and exhausted but also spend time away from your children.

Working full-time can mean that you have to find adequate childcare services when you are not at home with your children.

You can also ask family and friends to help you look for your children during treatment, at least until you are financially stable again.

5. Stay Up-to-date On Shipping:

According to data from the Federal Reserve Bank of America, the average monthly payment in the United States is between $300 and $550 per month for a new vehicle.

This loan seemed like a good idea when you were a family unit with financial responsibility for your purchases, but as a single mom, your head can spin as you try to calculate how you can keep your vehicle.

As a single mother, transportation is vital. This is necessary for taking your child to school, buying groceries, going to work, and in case of an emergency.

If you find you can't cover your new car loan, you may be able to negotiate with the dealer to refinance it, or you can sell it online and pick up a good car that's in good shape.

6. Health Insurance:

Medical liability is another financial challenge for a single mother who is now a single parent.

Unfortunately, one in four women loses their health insurance sometimes after a divorce. This can cause a lot of anxiety when taking on this challenge.

Don't let it overwhelm you. As a mother, it is your job to make sure your children are taken care of, especially in times of emergency.

Do your research carefully to make sure you end up with the best insurance that covers your family at an affordable price.

7. Payment Of Outstanding Debts:

The longer you were married, the more likely it is that you and your ex received a certain amount of shared debt together.

Maybe you bought a car that you're still paying for, assuming your spouse would be there to help pay for it.

Starting your life as a married couple was probably a financial struggle at first - and that was before you got your credit card.

Mortgages, furniture loans, and credit card debt are also common debts that can be left behind after a divorce.

If these debts haven't been settled in court or your spouse refuses to help you pay their share, it can feel incredibly scary, especially when you're trying to start over. Don't give up!

The financial challenges of being a single mother after divorce are not easy to deal with, but don't give up.

With proper planning, the help of family and friends, Patience, and determination, you can get through this difficult time with your head held high.

Common Reasons For Divorce According To Men

Here Are The Top Reasons Men File For Divorce:

1. Infidelity

Cheating is often cited as a reason for filing for divorce. It is generally believed that men find this unthinking a bit harder to win than their counterparts. However, marriage is never the cause of a failing marriage, it is typically more of a symptom than the real thing. The breakdown of a marriage can usually be caused by more serious problems that lie at the heart of the relationship.

2. Lack Of Appreciation:

A man who values ​​marriage little or not at all is a man who will soon be heading for the door. Even the nicest guy hangs in there for a long time, but after a while, the resentment after being underestimated is hard to ignore.

A man who values ​​marriage little or not at all is a man who will soon be heading for the door  

 

3. Lack Of Affection:

It could be that the bedroom is cold or even holding hands has stopped. Men interpret the lack of affection because their spouses are no longer attracted to them. A lack of affection in a marriage can actually be seen as a subtle form of rejection that indicates a greater problem in the relationship.

4. Lack Of Commitment:

In a recent study, about 95% of couples cited lack of commitment as the reason for divorce. But what does that really mean exactly? It is a relationship of devotion, loyalty, Loyalty, and general devotion. When marriages go through tough times, like all marriages, both partners need to know that they are faithful and in the thick of things together. If a husband suspects that his spouse is not committed and no efforts have been made to restore the bond, it can leave him feeling alone, hopeless, and on the phone to his lawyer's office.

Divorce Tips For Moms

When a divorce starts to become your reality, you may suddenly realize that the way you live your life changes in so many ways. This realization may seem frightening.

But every change is a process, and divorce is especially difficult. It's all ok; it's just your nature for the situation you're in. You will eventually get used to these changes, just be patient.

Divorce is rarely ever easy; it's hard to let go of all the effort you put into that relationship and separate yourself from the future you were working towards.

But if you also have children, divorce can be even more difficult for you.

Single mom is one of the hardest and bravest roles you can take on; it challenges you and builds you into a stronger person every day.

Don't be afraid, try to prepare and do everything you can to make your job a little easier and less stressful.

So if you're looking for divorce tips for moms or help for divorced moms, consider these carefully curated divorce tips for moms that are here to help you plan and prepare. You can do it.

1. Focus On The Present Moment:

Our first divorce advice for Mothers is to take a deep breath.

Stop thinking about the future. Stop thinking about the past. The feelings are too 'raw' to think about them now. Over-analyzing only leads to one result, namely panic.

Since you probably don't want that, focus on what you can do now. If you're a newly divorced single mom, try to do the things you have control over and take it from there, one step at a time.

2. Educate Yourself:

Education and self-improvement are essential at this stage as you need the tools to adapt to this new lifestyle.

The following divorce advice for moms is to find some free online courses, available resources, easier ways to make money and create a divorce checklist for moms.

Tell yourself about taxes, credits, savings, and insurance. You can hire a Consultant or research financial assistance for Divorced Mothers online.

Research government programs and all the benefits they offer single moms. Make sure you have all the necessary information to manage your finances and household.

3. Take A Moment To Fix Your Money:

Thinking about what you can't provide your children will only cause headaches.

For the following divorce advice for mothers, try to stop thinking about how you don't have enough money to buy your child a doll or a bicycle. Most kids don't even remember those things.

There are so many other ways to offer toys without having to buy them. You could do it together. Your kids will love it even more if you spend time together creating it because it's a memory they'll hold on to.

Money doesn't buy happiness, experiences, and spending time with the people we love.

So the next time you worry that you don't have enough money, remember that you already do everything your children need to be happy, you show up every day.  

 

4. Develop Unrealistic Optimism:

If you want to overcome all the obstacles of single parenting, you need to develop the tools to think irrationally positively. Finding ways to be happy even when everything seems to be falling apart can prove essential to survival.

Because self-doubt and self-loathing will get you nowhere. Learn to appreciate the simple moments and reward yourself every night for making it through another day.

You and your child are a team that fights together and overcomes all obstacles. And trust me, these experiences will help develop them into big, resilient, strong, empathetic adults.

5. Try Your Best To Get Along With Your EX:

No matter how angry you are, don't show it in front of your children. Don't badmouth your husband. Let your child develop his own opinion about the father.

Try your best to figure it out and make plans for parenting and put the differences aside for the sake of your children.

Never force them to choose sides or compete for their love. Respect the fact that even though he may not be your husband anymore, he is still their father.

6. Use All Available Resources:

Stop thinking you have to do everything alone. Accept help. Look for opportunities to find new resources, such as Divorced mom support groups.

So many people who would love to help you, and if they do, it doesn't mean you're not doing your job; you're just smart enough not to wear yourself out.

Try to connect with other single mothers and other members of the local community. Not only are you stronger together, but social support also has a positive effect on your mind and health.

By creating a social network, you increase the possibility of learning new information, for example about an open job or a new law that goes to benefit, or a new public sale.

7. Don't Forget That You Are Doing A Good Job:

So, keep your mind and body optimistic, use all your resources, make sure you get educated, and don't worry about unnecessary things, they will only lead you into Panic mode.

If there's one thing you'll learn in this process, it's prioritization.

Focus on the present and the experiences you share with your children. You are an Invincible team. It may not seem like it, but your ex-husband is also part of this team, so make sure you maintain friendly relations with him.

And keep in mind that it will eventually get easier, just hang in there.