1. Start With A Kindness Agreement:
Once you and your partner have made the final decision to end your marriage, start drafting a goodwill agreement. This is an agreement that defines your priorities during this sensitive time. If you have children, their welfare and well-being should be at the forefront of your kindness agreement. It is extremely important to provide them with a safe emotional space when you and your spouse are apart.
2. Other Included Items May Include:
Avoid turning this into a divorce war
Always speak respectfully to and about each other
Do not disparage another to third parties, especially children, but also to your friends and family
Negotiate in calm words, avoid shouting
Avoid turning this into a divorce war
3. You Don't Have To Win All The Time:
When negotiating a divorce, it is important to keep in mind that having the last word is not that important. By letting go of points that are not so important to you, you can improve your mental state, especially if these are important to your spouse.
Don't argue about family heirlooms that should stay in his family just because you know it will hurt him. Focus on the whole and keep your state of mind balanced and as calm as possible by avoiding harmful conflicts.
4. Count To Three Before You Speak:
Happily divorced couples have in common that they do not speak without first stopping to think about their words and their impact.
This is especially important when you and your ex are making important decisions about children and money. Recognize your emotions and check them before they take over the conversation. Stop and think before you speak, and talk from a calm place so you can move towards a helpful solution and not get stuck in a heated battle.
Think carefully before you speak, write an email or send a text message. Sometimes just sleeping through the night can give you a new and healthier perspective the next morning.
Happily divorced couples have in common that they do not speak without stopping to think about what they are saying
5. Remember That Getting Over Bitterness Takes Time:
Divorce is the most traumatic experience after the death of a loved one that a person can experience in their life. You have your own personal timeline for the Healing stages of denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance.
Trust that one day you will be accepted, but it may not be straight up. This is a two step forward, one step back process. But you will get there.
Once you reach the stage of acceptance, creating a happy divorce is possible.
6. Surround Yourself With Role Models Of Other People Who Are Happily Divorced:
You may find these at divorce recovery retreats or among your circle of friends. Don't hesitate to ask those who have been in your position how they ended up with their own happy divorces.
Tap into their experience and choose what might work for you.
7. Incorporate Fun Into Your Life:
In the initial period after the divorce decision, it is impossible to even consider having fun. Most of us want to stay in bed, blankets up to our ears, and just cry. It is a natural and legitimate response to this traumatic time. But when you feel ready, schedule some fun activities for your day.
You're not just someone going through a divorce, and you don't want to define yourself as one. You are also a person who can endure, and when you start doing things that add positivity to your life, you will see this.
Do the things that made you happy before you became a couple. Sports, classes, museum visits, concerts, dances, anything that reminds you that you are vibrant, alive and can enjoy life even after disconnection.
8. Divorce Is The Best Time To Develop Your 'glass Half Full' Attitude Towards Life:
You can't conjure this up every morning, but if you can spend some time each day looking at positive things and setting goals that increase your optimism (like planning a spa day or planning a vacation with friends) it will make this difficult part much easier. Give yourself something to look forward to.
Your life situation has changed and it may or may not be your decision, but either way life is precious and we must make the most of every minute.
9. Create A Vision For Your Own Version Of The Happily Divorced:
It's easy to get stuck focusing on everything that was wrong with your marriage, your ex, or your life together. But it's not productive and can keep you feeling sad or angry. Start looking ahead.
How do you want to feel about this person who still plays a role in your life? How can you create a meaningful dialogue with them?
Focus on what attracted you to them in the first place and the good memories you have of your marriage. Use these images to reframe what you want your future to look like with your parents.