Divorce is never easy. Even popular television shows depict the resulting conflicts, emotions, and confusion during and after the process.
I was nineteen when I first got married. After a whirlwind time in Europe for a young Army lieutenant, I removed the family as we returned to the US to begin life as a married couple.
Twenty tumultuous years and two beautiful daughters later, I packed those daughters for a cross-country run. We left their father in California and headed to Virginia.
He and I had been an obvious mismatch from the start. Years of conflict and pain made the final decision that it was over seemed like a relief because we knew the end was inevitable. Still, the divorce had been difficult and life-changing.
1. Building A New Life After Divorce:
Starting alone in a new place with pre-teen daughters was not easy. We built a new life together as a family of three women.
Over the years, we have developed fierce and uncompromising strength, independence, and invincible unity.
Like many similar triplets, we became a unit and stuck together thinking of ourselves as the three musketeers.
2. Gives A Chance For A New Marriage Union
Years passed, the girls grew up and were almost ready to be on their own. The three of us were comfortable, confident, and content with the independent worlds we had created for ourselves.
However, life keeps changing. After years of dating and growing commitment to a man who repeatedly assured me of his undying love, I was ready to take a chance. They assured me that I could 'stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, (he) was in it for life.'
After the pain of my first marriage and divorce, I made a surprising discovery, and I was ready to get back into the world of relationships.
I felt sure of his loyalty, integrity, and oaths. I retired from my teaching profession and moved to further his career. Without warning, the other shoe dropped and without explanation. They told me I was mean and he was done. And without further ado, he was gone.
3. Rethinking Divorce:
That's when I learned about the real devastation after a divorce. The shame I felt from the guilt he caused before he left our lives kept me stuck in grief.
It was weeks before I stopped sleeping and ended up on the couch. I couldn't eat, sleep or think. I wondered what could be in my life and how I could continue. A friend arrived to take control. I tried to calmly explain my situation. I told him the only thing I knew. 'Recovery will take a long time and I don't know where the path may lead.'
I had no idea how long it would actually take. My compass had broken and I had no sensation. I had been told for 13 years that I could "stop waiting for the other shoe to drop" when suddenly and unexpectedly the shoe was thrown right at me - with deadly aim.
It was over two years before my divorce was final and I was able to find any closure to my ordeal. However, paperwork does not improve. It does not outline the next steps, offer guidelines for a better existence, or suggest proven methods for moving forward.
4. Reorganization Of Independent Life
Grief is not something American culture supports or encourages. My story was old. My support system is less patient.
It was now time to do the hard work of reorganizing an independent life in a place I wasn't sure I wanted to stay.
5. Registering With Social Groups
Start building meaningful relationships again. I found social groups in my area. I cautiously ordered dinners, movies, and other activities with people I had never met or knew.
It wasn't easy and I often felt immobilized by fear and dread. I guardedly started spontaneous conversations with others. Each excursion became a little less scary and a little easier to achieve.
Very slowly, over two more years, I began to realize that I was building meaningful relationships again.
I noticed that the feeling of isolation and loneliness that had prevailed since my spouse left had slowly disappeared. It was now replaced by a sense of fulfillment and belonging. My calendar was no longer empty. It was now full of meaningful activities involving new friends.
6. A Journey To Self-realization And Empowerment
I'm still amazed. I have the authority. I am healed. I am healthy and able to live my own independent life. I make my own choices. I feel valuable and worthwhile once again. I wake up feeling alive and powerful every morning.
I can talk openly with these new friends about the circumstances that have happened in my life. I share with them that Two Minus One: A Memoir is being published. They are encouraging and encouraging. I have an overwhelming sense of peace, Joy and Satisfaction with my life. I have done much more than survive. I have been successful.
~Julie